Month: December 2016

What’s Inside You?

Ok, if you are human, I know what is physically inside you thanks to a great anatomy teacher. I’m speaking more about the intangibles – your will, your ‘heart’, what drives you. Because, even though I cannot tell where “it” resides, I know “it” is in you just as “it” is in me.

There is a great, simple story about two wolves that speaks directly to this idea.

The Story of the Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.  He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. 

One is Evil –  It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. 

The other is Good –  It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

The Lesson

I’ve loved this story ever since I heard it around a campfire many, many years ago. I share it from time to time on our Friday Night Campfires for the kids (and adults!) because it boils things down to one basic choice: you get out what you put in.

So, the main question is, which wolf are you feeding?

Most of us run around with our conscious minds switched off to this aspect of our lives. We sit in front a screen, consume the same media, read the same magazines, swap the same gossip, eat similar food.

Our Habits Matter

These are habits – mostly unconscious routines in which we engage daily. Have you ever stopped to think which wolf these habits are feeding?

I know some people whose daily routines support nothing but good things in their lives: they practice gratitude, are kind to everyone around them, show discipline in the big and little things in their lives, and laugh and give a lot. These people are fun to be around. I always leave feeling uplifted and hopeful.

I also know people who, in most cases, choose a different path. They spread hurtful gossip, act only in their self-interest, and are rude or unkind towards those around them – unless that person has a lot more money than themselves. I don’t spend very much time with this group of people. They aren’t much fun to be around for long periods of time. The wolf their actions and behaviors feed is eating them and it’s sad to see.

Thankfully, we get to choose which wolf we feed. All we need to do is be awake to our actions – what we read, how we react, to whom we give our time and trust. This weekend, take a few moments to think about which wolf you are feeding. Both are hungry.

Have a great week!

What I Learned From a Summer at Camp Weequahic

My mom has this ritual of asking me, every day, about what I learned that day. Sometimes I shrug and say “I don’t know,” and other times I spit out interesting facts about blue whales or Egyptian pyramids or volcanoes that I learned that day at school. So in the car the day I got home from a summer at Camp Weequahic, I wasn’t surprised when she asked me what I had learned while being away. She was surprised, however, at my response.

 

I told her that I learned a lot of new skills that I would never have experienced if I had stayed home. I learned how to play lacrosse and sail. I learned to fish and learned a lot of crazy songs that have been stuck in my head all summer. I learned how to get from one side of camp to the other in the shortest amount of time, I learned how to make the perfect S’more, and even learned how to paint. I was exposed to so many new opportunities and experiences, that I felt like I was learning something new every day!

 

But in the first few days at home, I kept thinking about other things I learned while I was at camp. Things that were more about character than skill. Things that will help me in life more than knowing the perfect ratio of chocolate to marshmallow ratio on a S’more. When Jessi and I had that big disagreement, our counselors walked us through a communication plan that left both of us feeling heard, understood and we walked away with our issue totally resolved. I learned how to recognize when someone was feeling left out or lonely, and quickly invited them to sit, play or hang out with me. I learned a lot about how to interact with different people and learned to appreciate differences in people without judgment. At the end of the summer, I realized that sometimes I was so focused on the quantity of friends that I have, that I wasn’t focused on the quality. After spending a summer at camp, I learned the importance of having a handful of true friends who are there for you no matter what, who accept you for who you are, and who are honest and real with you.

 

I learned quickly that I’m a naturally messy and unorganized person, but that keeping my stuff picked up and clean in areas that I share with others is a sign of respect, and learned quickly to live in close proximity with other people and respecting boundaries and personal space. I learned to compromise, to be flexible, and how to manage my time.

 

I learned that I can, in fact, function without my cell phone and that not everything I do has to be documented through a “selfie.” I learned that without a cell phone glued to my side, I could focus more on the actual experience rather than getting the perfect shot, choosing the best filter, and then waiting impatiently for my friends to “like” and “comment” on the picture through social media.

 

I didn’t overwhelm my dear ‘ol mom with all of these things that I learned, and instead just gave her little stories here and there to demonstrate all of the new things I had learned at camp. Sometimes, she was the one telling me about the difference that she noticed in me, things that I had learned that made an obvious difference in my attitude and character. She noticed I was more patient with my little sister, more helpful to her and my dad, I was a better team player for my soccer team, and as school rolled around, she noticed I was focusing more on my grades.

 

I learned a lot at Camp Weequahic. Some of the things are basic skills that are fun to know, while others are foundational qualities that I really feel with set me up for better relationships and experiences for the rest of my life. I’m thankful that going to camp was such a fun and natural way to learn so many new things.

You Need To Give Up….

Something. You need to give up something. Maybe even a lot of things. That was a very strong message passed along by one of my teachers a few weeks ago. Yes, I still have people I consider ‘teachers’ in my life, even at my ancient level….

We all have soooo much in our lives. These little gadgets in our pockets connect us, quite literally, to the entire world and can entertain us for hours. We receive gifts around this time of year, many of which will, sadly, be forgotten or fall disused in months.

It’s not ‘just’ about stuff. You have friends, teams, schoolwork, family, responsibilities, and entertainment competing for your attention. Inside your head run desires, dreams, and false demands.

And we wonder why we feel more than a little hectic most of the time?*

Good Moments

There are moments, however, in our lives with little worry, less rushing, less comparing. Those moments have simplicity and calm and joy and depth. You know the ones I’m talking about. Why can’t we find those moments more often?

We get a lot of these moments at Camp Weequahic. A LOT. Want to know why?

Think about things we don’t have. No one is carrying a phone in their pocket at camp. You aren’t preparing for a test. You aren’t hustling from one activity to the next shoveling food into your mouth. No one is going to judge you on what your wear, where you are from, or how good you are at sport or art or anything else.
Rather, at Weequahic, you are with your friends, focused on the task ahead of you, and surrounded by people who want you to 1) be safe and 2) have the time of your life. You get to be you, without all the ‘stuff.’

That’s it. You’ve already given up so much ‘stuff’ just by getting on the bus. We keep things simple (and fun) at Weequahic. And, because you have room in your life, you can fill it with so many great, little moments with your friends and mentors at camp.

Your Next Steps

So, what are you going to give up? Sorry – you can’t give up schoolwork, your family or your responsibilities at home. But, there are lots of other things you can let go of right now.

Are you spending too much time on your phone? Do you want to give up caring what the other kids think about you? You probably have a lot of clothes you haven’t worn in months/years. How about giving them to someone who may need it more? How about spending less on lunch and more on others? It’s amazing how much money can be saved by drinking water instead of soda, slushies, or coffee.

As for me, I have several things to prune from my life. (But not slushies. Never slushies….)

I’ll continue to work on things. I hope you will, too. Regardless of how successful I am during the year, I know one thing for certain: when we get back to Weequahic, I’ll be all-in for those simple, meaningful moments. I know you will be, too!

Can’t wait for camp!

*Please don’t think that our family doesn’t fall into the same pattern. We are just as busy as the next family at home and are doing our best to find the right balance.