“Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.”

Courage is the handle onto which every other value is fashioned and used. It takes courage to be kind in every situation, to practice gratitude when all seems dark, to be generous when you are so concerned about your own day to day needs.  

So, it’s really important! But how do you build courage?

Building Courage

Courage is a perfect example of the ‘binary opposition’ idea I talked about last week. A scene from a recent pretty popular stories explains it perfectly.

Young Bran Stark is speaking with his father who is ‘King of the North’, a fierce warrior, and loving father. They were having a conversation about being brave.

“Bran thought about it. ‘Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?’

‘That is the only time a man can be brave,’ his father told him.”

A Game of Thrones

Every act of courage has at least a kernel of fear in it. In fact, without fear, you can’t have courage.

Think about getting to camp and making some new friends. That takes courage for most of our campers. Why? Because they are afraid they won’t be accepted. (Thankfully, the campers and staff of Camp Weequahic are courageous enough to open themselves up to welcome all in!)

The neat thing about fear and courage is that they don’t affect each person the same way. We’ve seen kids who scale the 50’ climbing tower with ease have a very hard time overcoming their fear of performing on stage in front of others. We’ve had others who jump up on stage without a care who were petrified of trying to make a new friend.

In each of these cases (and all others), the larger the courage grows, the smaller fear becomes. Like missing home or my desire for Chef’s chocolate chip cookies, fear never really goes away. But, with practice, perseverance and support from those who care about you, courage will begin to swamp those fearful feelings and get you moving in a new direction.

Overcoming Fear

We let it. Two great philosophers had something to say about fear. Lao Tzu wrote the Tao Te Ching in China about 2500 years ago. He thought:

“There is no illusion greater than fear.”

Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor and author of the widely read ‘Meditations’ said something similar at about the same time:

“If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgement of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgement now.”

Look, sometimes fear is going to win, no matter how hard you try to overcome it. However, rather than thinking that ‘you lost’, think of it as ‘you’ve learned.’

As a parent, I’ve let my fear of failing my boys ‘win’ from time to time. Thankfully, my bride has been there to help me see the experience as a learning opportunity and determine how I’ll handle the same or similar situation next time.

That’s a great way to keep fear from winning: including those who love and support you. In fact, knowing that you are loved will make you courageous better than anything else. That’s why it’s so great to be at camp, surrounded by people who will love and support you through it all.

The Courage/Fear Connection

When building courage, your fears will get smaller. If your fear is bigger than you want it, start practicing your courage.

First, you’ll need to reach out to a loved to help you understand your fear. Then, come up with strategies to work through the fear. Lastly, review how you did and keep the cycle going. Your fear won’t go away but perhaps you can turn it into a friend, something inside that is simply alerting you to an opportunity to do something courageous.

Get out there, Weequahic Hero. Practice your courage in big and little things. It’ll open up whole new vistas you never even knew were there!

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It’s the same with any movement: throwing a ball, playing a piano, blazing and building in Fortnite or peeling off a sticker. Each movement requires a series of ‘push-pull’ systems in your body. When you sleep, you let these systems rest and find balance.

I raise this idea this to set you up for something bigger, something called ‘binary opposition.’ Simply put, two things exist are linked together but are at odds with one other. When one gets bigger, the other gets smaller. When the two are balanced, things are calm. When they are not, there is stress.

Yin and Yang

The classic visual symbol of ‘binary opposition’ is the yin-yang symbol. The idea is that two things are not only connected but also hold something of the other inside it. The koi pond in Avatar is a nice example of this. Here’s another:

In ‘The Dark Crystal’ there are two opposing groups: one that is thoughtful, wise, and gentle, while the other is angry, greedy, and violent. Between the two are the inhabitants of the land who suffer due to standoff between the two major groups.

(Spoiler alert!)

Turns out these warring factions were actually two parts of the same beings that had been magically splintered. When they are reunited by a selfless hero, the land returns its fruitful ways and peace reigns.

If you’ve been at camp long enough, you’ve heard story of the two wolves around the campfire. It’s a similar idea.  

Push & Pull for Heroes and Camp

Heroes are an interesting combination of binary oppositions: strength and gentleness, courage and fear, creativity and ‘the basics’, adventure and home, and many more. Yes – heroes experience fear all the time. Without it, they couldn’t develop their courage.

Life at camp has similar push-pull experiences. Take, for example, the combination of ‘community’ and ‘individual choice.’ The balance of the two is desperately important. In our opinion, too much structure and you wear each other out. Too much individual choice and you fail to develop connections. At Weequahic, we need to find the balance of this push-pull situation. Same with ‘fun / safety’, ‘new ideas / tradition’ or ‘fruit / chocolate chip cookies.’

There are several binary oppositions I’d like to explore with you over the coming weeks. Specifically, we’ll look at some of the big ones heroes wrestle with and apply them to our own lives. I hope you’ll come along for the ride. Don’t worry – there will be a lot of talk about camp, too!

Have a great week, Weequahic!

PS: I know I mentioned ‘stickers’ up above. If you are looking for a fun holiday gift, check out our favorite sticker maker​. They’ve been fantastic over the years. Their service is top notch and prices very reasonable. Enjoy!

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Camp is closed.

How about now? 😉

Halloween is upon us, the annual time for trick-or-treating, spooky decorations, abnormally large penguins (see the picture above) and horror movie revamps.

Here at the Winter Office, we’ve constructed a ‘candy shoot’ that will allow for physically-distanced candy delivery, all masked and gloved up. It’ll be different, sure, but hopefully still fun for the kids.

Enjoying Fear

Why do we ‘enjoy’ fear so much in some moments and not others? Dr. Arash Javanbakht and Dr. Linda Saab do a great job explaining the difference in their article, The Science of Fright.

Basically, it comes down to context. If you are going into a haunted house to get the rush of being scared while knowing it’s all just a game, you like the way your fear makes you feel after the fact. On the other hand, having a mountain lion closely track you because you got too close to its cub will produce fear that you won’t enjoy.

The context is very different between the two situations but so is something else. In the haunted house scenario, you’ve got a sense of control – you can always leave or call out ‘I’m done – let me out.’ The mountain lion won’t listen to you. It’s following its own programming and intent. In other words, you’ve very little control of the situation.

The first can be fun. The second? Not so much.

Real Life Fear

Campers, a lot of your friends and neighbors are feeling fear right now. (And, remember, in the grand scheme of things, we are all neighbors.) We’ve had a hard year, certainly. The uncertainty of the election and the blaring news inputs are overwhelming if you decide to give them your attention.

Just like your attitude, though, you can choose what you listen to, what you read. I cannot control the election. I cannot control COVID. I cannot control every aspect of camp. But…. I can influence things.

Sure, I’ve got more influence over camp than the election. I’ve got more influence how COVID may enter my home than my city. I’ve got more influence on my approach to today than on my boys’ and even less so on yours. So, I focus on what I can control and hope the ripple effect of my actions and attitude influence those around me.

There is one really great thing about fear: it focuses your senses. It demands you live only in the present. It strips everything else away and gets your body ready to see clearly and react quickly. Think about the last time you were really scared: you see more sharply, your breathing rate goes up, and you get a rush of energy.

Your body is ready. It’s the mind that has to be trained.

How Will You Respond?

So, how will you respond to a situation that brings fear into your equation? Will you run from the challenge or face it? Will you cheat on the test or stay honest no matter what? Will join your voice with those making things worse or join those patiently and intentionally being supportive?

We don’t get much of a choice on feeling fear. As the authors indicate, fear is as old as life on Earth. But, as humans, we do get a choice on how to respond. Just as important, as humans, we get to train ourselves by watching others. In fact, fear is contagious. (So is joy and most every other human emotion.)

That’s where courage comes in, in the choice. In feeling the fear and choosing to do what is right anyway.  When you’ve got good role models – like the counselors of Camp Weequahic – you are more likely to choose courage than not. Either way, it’s your choice.

Enjoy a safe, healthy and spooky Halloween, Weequahic!

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On of those tours had 9-year-old boy who shared my love of comics. At one point in our conversation he asked me, ‘Cole, who is your arch-enemy?’

My first thought was ‘wow, I’ve never been asked that.’

After I thought through a couple of possibilities – my younger brother, the director at Camp Westmont, and a few others I settled on one that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is my arch-enemy. (And, no, it’s not Ross – I love that guy!)

What is an ‘Arch-Enemy?’

Fiction is really good at setting up heroes with an arch-enemy. Sherlock often foiled Moriarty. Darth Vader plagued Luke Skywalker. Harry Potter battled Lord Voldemort over and over.

It even happens in real life: Aaron Burr hounded and then killed Alexander Hamilton. Every NFL fan (save those living in and around Boston) despises Coach Belichick. SEC fans feel the same about his college-image in Nick Saban.

Heroes and arch-enemies are linked. In most cases, one fights for good while the other for evil. Always at cross purposes, they rage away at one another, even when they do not ‘share the stage’ so to speak.

However, when you look closely, all of these pairs share a number of similarities. Sherlock and Moriarty were the cleverest men of their age. Luke and Vader, both disciples of and empowered by the force, are actually – gasp – son and father.) Harry and Voldermort are powerful magicians, linked by a ‘soul-bond’ of magical origination. The coaches love the game of football as much if not more than the fans of opposing teams.

An arch-enemy is defined as ‘a person who is extremely hostile or opposed to someone or something.’ This certainly describes the pairs listed above. But, it also describes an even more important and powerful arch-enemy for each hero.

Your Most Powerful Arch-Enemy is…

So, I left you hanging in the intro, didn’t I? How do you find your arch-enemy? After I thought about it for about two seconds, I answered:

Myself.

I hear you saying ‘No way, Cole! It’s got to be someone else.’ It’s not, though. All I have to do is look in the mirror.

Of course, this is not always true. However, I can’t count the times in my life when I’ve told myself ‘you can’t’ or ‘you shouldn’t’ or ‘they’ll laugh’ or ‘no, seriously, that fifth and sixth cookie will make you feel better.’

Does that ring true for you, too?

There are two scenes in Star Wars that illustrate this point perfectly. During their ‘becoming’, both Luke and Rey battle a foe in a secret place. Vader charges out of the darkness, light saber ready to attack Luke. An unknown assailant approaches Rey with a lightsaber bo staff. Luke wins a short battle but, in looking at his fallen foe, the face underneath Vader’s mask is Luke’s own. Rey realizes she’s fighting herself as well.

How About You?

Campers, odds are your arch-enemy is yourself. AND THAT’S OK! It’s actually more important to realize that fact than just about anything else. When you become aware of the situation, you can step back, observe what you are ‘hearing’ in your head and decide whether or not to follow the message.

Whether it is battling the fear of doing the right thing, putting in the extra effort when no one is looking, or overcoming some self-set limits, you’ll have to battle yourself a good bit. This won’t change through your years. The sooner you realize it, the sooner you can become aware of the fight and make your ‘enemy’ smaller and weaker over time.

Just make sure to treat your enemy – yourself – kindly. Believe it or not, ‘they’ are just trying to do what they think is right. You, though, get to decide whether or not to listen.

Your choice!

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This dip doesn’t just happen in stories. When you read the works and letters of Mother Teresa, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill and many more, you find doubt and fear and despair at times.

You can go back as far as you want in the stories of our past: Gilgamesh, Odysseus, Moses, and more all showed a negative attitude more than once.

How did they get through these dips? Did they just grin and bear it, believe it was really happening? No. They dealt with it and moved on. And, they normally had some help.

Choose Your Attitude

Heroes have a hard path in front of them. It’s full of challenges, bumps, bruises, and more. While some are reluctant at first, heroes ultimately lean into the challenge ahead in order to accomplish their mission, their purpose.

In order to take the first steps, they first choose how they’ll react to these challenges. Will they quake and run? Maybe. But, ultimately, the make a stand and put all they have learned into action. They know difficult moments are coming their way and decide to take them on anyway.

You can’t do so without choosing your attitude, choosing how you are going to respond. Does this guarantee success? Heck no. But that is not the point. It makes me think of something Dr. Viktor Frankl said:

Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself.

Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run—in the long-run, I say! – success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.

Sometimes, though, it’s hard to keep your ‘head up’ when battling against constant opposition. In those moments, you need a friend… and a good one at that.  

Choose Your Friends

St. Francis of Assisi has been quoted saying:

All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.

This is certainly true. And sometimes… sometimes that flame gutters and flickers. Sometimes that flame needs a little care and support. Two flames can back one another so that when one falters, the other is ready to keep the light shining. All of the heroes from antiquity to the present had someone to support them.

When young Clark Kent was first learning about his powers, he was overwhelmed. All of the sounds and sights of his classroom were bearing down on his super vision and hearing, scaring him badly. His mother arrived and told him to listen only to her voice, to think of her as an island and to swim towards it. Superman was on his way to becoming super.

When Bruce Wayne thought he’d failed completely, Arthur, his trusted mentor and caregiver asked, ‘Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” Batman got up and saved the day.

Campers, you get to choose your friends. Who they are and how they support you will be huge in your life, just like the heroes mentioned above.

And your choices do not end there. You get to choose what you listen to on the radio, read in books, pay attention to online. All of these messages and ideas will have an effect on you.

If you are filling your head and your heart with messages of care and support and kindness, that’s what you’ll most likely shine back into the world around you. If it’s doom and gloom and divisiveness, that’ll be something you perpetuate, too.

When you are challenged, like any hero, you’ll have some down moments. You’ll get some support from those and that which you give your trust and attention.

Choose wisely. Have a great weekend!

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But that is not all these heroes ‘held’ onto. Katniss held onto her personal responsibility, Luke his doubt, and Hermione her books… to a fault. In order to become the heroes they were, each had to open their hands.

We all hold onto ideas and habits and tools all the time in relation to the world us and the world inside us. The idea of ‘open hands’ is important for all heroes… including you! Here are three reasons why.

Letting Go

Before becoming a hero, a person needs to open their hands and let go of that which is holding them back. Be it a self-conceived notion (‘I’m not good enough’), someone who is holding them back (‘You’ve never supported me and my passion’), a past activity (‘All this screen watching isn’t helping me’), or something physical (‘Time to get rid of this junk!’) – heroes first open their hands to let go, to empty themselves of the past habits or beliefs.

When your hands are full in a physical, mental or emotional way, you’ll be hard pressed to fill them up with what a hero needs.

Filling Up

All heroes (at some point) keep their hands open to that which is next – the teaching, the self-knowledge, the journey and adventure ahead. This is not an easy thing to do, by the way. A lot of time, the learning process is painful.

In the hero’s journey, most of these lessons come at the hand of a wise guide. Harry Potter had Professor Dumbledore (and Hermione quite often). Luke had Obi-wan and Yoda. Katniss had Hamish. All of these mentors helped to guide by asking the right (and tough) questions, reframe what was important, and getting the young budding hero to reach past what they previously thought possible.

In all of these cases, the heroes not only filled their minds and hearts with new knowledge, they also picked up tools to use in the pursuit of their mission.

In the stories, our heroes often pick up a weapon of some sort. While that happens in real-life, too, most heroes pick up other implements. William Wilberforce picked up a pen. So did Anne Frank. Einstein picked up a pencil and calculator and a train schedule. Mrs. Parks picked up her resolve and shared her voice.

But that is not all they do with open hands. Heroes, time and again, reach out to others.

Reaching Out

A hero is not all about him or herself. Heroic action is always taken on behalf of others. This is when all heroes (including you!!) are at their most powerful. In fact, Karol Wojtyla suggested that “it is precisely when one becomes a gift for other that one most fully becomes oneself.” (You may recognize Cardinal Wojtyla by a different name.)

In all of our heroes’ quests, they are for a greater good than treasure or accolades for themselves. Frodo wanted to save his friends and return home to the Shire. Marie Curie wanted to discover something that would help millions. Mother Teresa gave (quite literally) the shoes from her feet to the needy, along with everything else.

It is in the moments when we truly serve others that we find our own contentment and our true measure. In order to serve, you’ve got to reach out first. And, if your hands are ‘full’ with other things, others will have a very hard time gaining a good grasp.

Challenging and Rewarding

Make no mistake, being a hero is no easy task. The term ‘hero’ is reserved for someone who truly goes above and beyond the call of being a human being, or even a ‘good’ one. (I mean ‘good’ in the oldest sense of the word.)

You have to get past the self-possession we all battle and literally put yourself on the line for others. That is what Dr. King did. Same with Mother Teresa. And Lincoln. And Mrs. Parks.

What are some things you want to let go? It’s hard to even know. Self-knowledge is actually pretty difficult because it requires us to stop fooling ourselves. But knowing ourselves, per Aristotle, is the beginning of all wisdom. This is where that sage, mentor, counselor comes in. They can see things in you that you cannot see for yourself. They can help you drop the things that are unimportant or harmful and fill your hands with what you need to reach out to those around you.

Young Hero, open your hands. They are going to be very useful – and needed – going forward.

Have a great weekend!

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