Growing up, I remember hearing the phrase ‘innocent until proven guilty’ over and over. My parents were not lawyers but we knew a lot of them. Plus, it seemed that all of the mystery shows we watched used the phrase.

My favorite show at the time was Magnum PI with Tom Selleck (and his red Ferrari!) One show stands out in my mind. Someone had been accused of something horrible. Magnum made it his job to prove whether or not that person’s involvement was, in fact, actually true.

Many people jumped onto the bandwagon because ‘everyone knew’ that the person was guilty. But, after careful investigation, Magnum proved the person’s innocence. The right person was found, the accused person was ‘let off the hook’, and they all lived happily ever after.

TV shows are great like that: they introduce a point of drama or tension and in 40 minutes wrap the whole thing up in a pretty bow. Life is rarely that ‘clean’ and the fallout of false accusations is very real.

Speeding Up

One aspect of technology is the speed at which life moves. Not too long ago, it took phone calls to move information from one person to another. Now, a text chain can include dozens of people with little time to for buffering, for thought.

In addition, because we can’t always see the creators of the ‘news’ or the comment, we can’t read body language or see the person generating the comments/events. There is both anonymity and the ability shape the conversation, provide only the points you want rather than the fuller, truer picture.

All of this, added to our human desire to be a part of ‘the tribe’, can rev the group engine way up in positive or negative ways. And, once whatever the emotional response is (and, let’s be honest, the first response is always the emotional one), it takes a lot of courage on someone’s part to question the veracity of the direction or pose a ‘what if’ moment.

Guilty or Innocent

So, when something goes bad, we can rush to judgement or we can patiently uncover the facts. We can jump to blame or ask questions to understand. We can fan the flames or search for clarity.

The former, in all of those phrases, is a lot easier. Especially when we are young without much experience or older and in ‘protection mode’ of a loved one. I get it and have been guilty of this rush to judgement, too.

It’s a pattern of thought we’ve got to actively fight.

Fallout

What happens when someone is falsely accused? In the past, when information did not move at light speed, things had time to fall from memory somewhat quickly. Now, because the emotion and intensity of communication, the fallout lasts a great deal longer and is more destructive.

Friendships are strained and broken. Feelings are hurt. Trust is lost. And that last one is probably the biggest issue. When falsely accused by someone and then having a community of people pile on, the falsely accused no longer feels trusted in many cases. And that destroys the ability to be a part of the group.  

So, what do we do? I propose it’s time to go back to that relatively old idea: innocent until proven guilty. With our family, our friends, our acquaintances, those we barely know, and those we may not even like. Why? Because that is how you’d want to be treated… and it’s the right thing to do.

Have a great weekend!

This is a story created for Campfire on July 30, 2021. Enjoy!

Not so long ago, grandmother worked with her grandchildren to pick peaches from trees outside her home. They were going to make their famous peach ice cream which the children loved.

The little boy, being a bit rambunctious and possessing a great imagination like most boys, quickly grew tired of the work. Instead, he made a crown out of the little branches and leaves, grabbed a stick from the ground and pronounced himself king of the wood.

The little girl, being just as creative and strong-willed as the little boy, decided she would be create her own kingdom. Making a crown for herself and holding an old branch as a scepter, she walked as a queen should through the yard.

The grandmother smiled at her grandchildren. Being a person with a lot of experience and a lot of love toward the children, she had grown patient and welcoming of their role playing. But this also gave her an idea.

As the little girl tried to coral the squirrels and chipmunks who loved the backyard, she spoke to her:

“Granddaughter, what kind of ruler will you be? Will you be a kind ruler or will be mean? Will you work to serve those around you or will you make decisions that will only be good for you and your closest friends?”

“I’m going to be richest, most powerful ruler in the world! Everyone will bow before me!” (Remember, she was just a little person with lots of imagination.)

“Well,” the grandmother replied, “you certainly can be that way as a ruler. But, remember, you get to choose. How do you think your subjects will respond to you?”

“They’ll have to do what I say all the time! They’ll be happy because we’ll be the best and I’ll tell them to be! And if they aren’t, I’ll throw them in the dungeon!”

The grandmother smiled and turned to the little boy.

“How about you, grandson? What kind of ruler will you be? Will you be a kind ruler or will be mean? Will you work to serve those around you or will you make decisions that will only be good for you and your closest friends?”

Being a bit older and more experienced than his younger sister, the boy sat back on his make believe thrown and said, “I want to be a good ruler. I want my people to like me… but I still want to be king. Can you be both, Grandmother?”

“Children, you get to choose how you’ll make others feel and, to a great extent, how you’ll feel about yourself. In fact, that choice may be the most important one you’ll ever make.

“Things in your life can be all about you – what others think about you, how they act around you, how they treat you. Or, you can decide to serve others, not worry about yourself so much, and draw happiness from the actual connection with those around you.”

The grandchildren were listening. There was something about their grandmother that made them want to listen. Plus, they had begun to eat the ripe peaches and they were so tasty.

“I know you each are pretending to be rulers right now. There will come a time in your lives when you’ll either pick a ruler for yourself or let one picked for you. That ‘ruler’ is an idea or way of being that you’ll listen to and follow in good times and bad.”

“What’s that ruler called,” Grandmother? the little girl asked.

“Well, there are a lot of names,” said Grandmother. “But the best one I know is called ‘attitude.’ Attitude is how you respond to the events around you and even the thoughts inside your head. And, you get to choose how you respond to everything.”

“But as a ruler, we’ll always have good days,” said the little boy.

“Oh, if only that were true, grandson. As you grow older, do me a favor and don’t hope for only good days. Instead, choose to build an attitude that will help you handle whatever bad comes your way.

“Grandchildren, if you remember nothing else, please remember this saying from one of the wisest rulers to ever live: Your life will be what your thoughts make it.

“Now, come help your old Grandmother get these peaches to the kitchen. I know two little Rulers who are excited about some ice cream.”

And they walked off together into a bright future.

The 2021 Leaders-In-Training group is currently reading Chop Wood, Carry Water by Joshua Medcalf*. It’s a simple story filled with short, thoughtful lessons. This is my third time through it and I continue to pick up ideas that make a big difference when applied.

In brief, it’s a story about John, a young man who travels to Japan to realize his dream of becoming a samurai archer. His mentor and teacher, Akira, spends time instructing John through the process of becoming an archer. The lessons are many, useful, and unexpected.

While there are many questions Akira asks of John, one I think most useful right now is this:

What’s Your Scorecard?

We all have an internal scorecard. For some of us, it’s about school grades or friendships or ‘likes’ or ‘streaks’ or college acceptances. For others it may be money or fame or ‘one more customer’ (or camper) or becoming the best.

Tennis great Andre Agassi talked about his experience of becoming #1. He thought realizing his dream would be fulfilling and affirming. He found it wasn’t. In fact, it felt empty. His scorecard was very real and it led him to a place that he didn’t find worthwhile.

Writer Jonathan Foster Wallace spoke about this idea in a thought-provoking way in his This is Water speech. (Warning: the speech is excellent but should be read by adults first before sharing with kids.)

What If…

Rather having than all the things we can accumulate on the scorecard, what if we put behaviors or characteristics that we could practice every day on the scorecard instead? How much better could our lives be if we showed gratitude, picked our attitude, demonstrated courage, behaved justly, loved mercy, stayed humble, remained curious and so much more every day?

To start, Akira suggests John think of the people in his life that he admires. Then to write down the characteristics that they exude which he admires. From the resulting list, pick a few that resonate most and make those the new daily life scorecard. It’s a great exercise.

Our Scorecard

Camp Weequahic has a scorecard.  It’s one, we believe, that helps create a community that pulls the best out of the participants, be they campers or staff members. It’s by no means perfect but it does help to keep us grounded and striving toward a goal that will make the small world around us a better place. And that matters.

Scorecards change over time. But they always exist. It doesn’t matter if you are talking about a business, a school, a camp, a third grader, college student, or 90-year-old. We’ve all got them. We also all get to choose how we measure our lives. And that’s the great part.

So, what’s your scorecard?

*A portion of the book sales from the links above will go to SCOPE, a summer camp charity that we support.