Category: Life Lessons

Camp Weequahic Pennsylvania Sleep Away Camp

Mac’s Lessons

It’s been a few weeks since we lost our dog Mac. The outpouring of support has been heartwarming and greatly appreciated. As I said in my earlier post, he was a damn good dog that we are going to miss greatly. And, he left us with a number of important lessons that I wanted to share.

Flawed Can Be Perfect

When Kate asked me 11 years ago if we should go ‘look at a puppy’, my response was no ever goes and just looks at a puppy. “No, this one has already been promised to a breeder out in California,” she responded. So, I relented. We loaded the young Kelly boys into the mini-van and off we went.

Of course, once we got to the breeder, Sumo (as Mac was originally known due to his ample puppy-girth) was now available. He’d been found to have a ‘defective’ internal part. It was not something you (or Mac) would ever notice. It wouldn’t affect his life in anyway. But the breeder in California didn’t want him because he was ‘flawed.’

Well, he certainly turned out perfect for us.   

Be Excited to See… Everyone

Arriving home from trips visiting prospective families, I knew I would get a nice ‘welcome back’ from Kate and the boys. But Mac’s tail-wagging and smiling and barking routine was fantastic.

He didn’t save that just for me. He was excited to greet everyone: our UPS driver when she arrived at the front porch, Assistant Director Sue upon her daily stop by our home office, Kate’s parents when they dropped something off or came for dinner, and the families around the neighborhood.

Everyone got a wag and a sniff from Mac. Sometimes they even got a tooth-baring smile. It didn’t matter if he knew you for years or it was a first time. While some would say that was just Mac wanting some attention, I’d ask this question: ‘But did his greeting make you feel good?’

Of course. It’s always nice when someone is excited to see you.

Discipline = Freedom

When I grew up in Georgia, dogs were allowed to roam the neighborhood. (Fine… insert the crotchety-old-man music here.) My first dog would go off for gallivants without a care. She’d always return, sometimes days later and normally with a new friend in tow.

Today, dogs are much more contained. They are always on leash when out and, if in a yard, sit behind a metal or electric fence of some sort. I can’t help but feel sad for these pack animals who were built to roam. But most don’t have the discipline for such freedom.

At camp, Mac had the run of the place, no leash and no fence required. Why? Because he had demonstrated a lot of discipline during his time with us. He didn’t eat off the table. He didn’t run after cars. If we asked him to sit or stay or get down, he would.

Let’s be clear: this discipline did not come naturally or easily. Kate and I (but mostly Kate) spent a great deal of time training, walking, correcting and caring for Mac.

Over time, he learned that because of the discipline he showed in many little things, he would gain freedom to move about camp as he wished. And, his continued discipline demonstrated around the kids and staff of Weequahic kept that freedom open.

This is the same with us. If we are disciplined with our eating or exercise or money or impulses, we’ll have more freedom to enjoy things both now and in the future. But that discipline, while vitally important, doesn’t come easy. It takes a lot of training… and a bit of love.

Lessons from a Dog’s Life

Mac certainly taught us more than just the lessons above. Some lessons he tried to teach never quite took. For instance, we like the video drone more than he did. And, we’d rather not try to get a fish off a hook with our mouths. Both seemed to work well for Mac, though.

The biggest lesson is one of companionship. To Mac, we were part of his pack, his tribe. He didn’t talk, he didn’t put a hand over the shoulder or give advice. His simple presence was enough. And maybe that’s enough for all of us.

Have a great week, everyone!

Fear and Its Antidote

Yes, Halloween is upon us and we are all in the mood for ‘fright.’ (That goes double for us in the Kelly household as our middle son, Jack, just got his drivers license today!) But ‘scary’ kids and the challenge of seeing a child drive away did not get me thinking about today’s subject: fear.

I blame a quote I recently re-encountered.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer…. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

from Dune by Frank Hebert

I used to think of needing to build up armor around myself to protect against fear. If I could simply protect myself or my loved ones from the need to fear, I’d have ‘won.’ But that’s not how fear works.

The Fear Reaction

Let’s take, for example, a camper who gets onto the bus to camp for the first time.

The act itself is simple, isn’t it? Walk up a few steps, down a little pathway, and plop down into the comfy seat set aside just for you. If you want to add a bit of complexity, you figure out what to do with your bus bag and, hopefully, smile and introduce yourself to the other new camper sitting next to you.

But, for many of our first-time campers, those simple action-steps are accompanied with a lot of internal perceptions, questions and reactions: will the kids be nice? What are my parents thinking? Wait a second, I’m going where? What if….

Those internal perceptions accompanying a seemingly set of actions can trigger the fear response, an emotional overload which leads to withdrawal for some and tears for others.

In this situation, ‘armour’ is not what a camper needs. Instead, they need the internal strength to let the fear response wash over them and leave. Want know what helps develop this internal awareness, this internal strength?

Stories and Effort

We all are immersed in stories from our earliest days. Great stories show people who overcome challenges, who live lives of purpose and meaning, and demonstrate the power of community. As we age, we switch from the make-believe to the stories of great humans from history like Dr. King, Mother Theresa, Mrs. Parks, and Churchill.

By learning from others, even from the likes of Harry Potter or Hermione Granger, we begin to develop the story we tell ourselves. If we are fortunate, we begin to internalize these stories in a way that adds to our internal strength. We see ourselves reaching out to those in need, rising to the occasion, overcoming challenge.

When you combine these stories with purposeful effort, you supercharge the feelings of confidence and competence. You give yourself the best chance to learn from mistakes and move forward. And, you attract others to your side to lend a hand.

Summer Camp Solution

That’s the beauty of camp. It combines a lot of great stories, a ton of support from engaged staff and lots of opportunities to practice. When done well, these aspects come together to create a virtuous cycle of increasing internal strength and connection and community.

Does fear go away? Nope. There will always be situations when it washes in. But, with stories and effort and community, fear is more likely to wash in and out, leaving nothing but your true, valiant self behind.

So, for our first-time campers above: recognize the anxiety about getting into a new situation and let it blow away. You are more excited about going to camp than anything else. Stick your hand out, smile and put in the effort. You are going to do great! We’ll be there by you as along as you need.

Happy Halloween!

Camp Weequahic sleep away camp in Pennsylvania

The Gardener and the Little Girl

*This is a story created for our July 23rd Campfire focusing on gratitude. Enjoy!

A young family purchased an old home by a pond. It shared the pond with another house that could be seen from the porch outside their kitchen. The little girl in the new house spent a lot of time outside looking at the pond… and the house next door.

You see, right next to that well-kept, neat little home was a big garden. It looked wild and beautiful and chaotic and calming all at the same time. It was very curious.  And the little old man who tended the garden was an even greater curiosity.

She couldn’t tell for certain but it seemed to the little girl that whenever the old man walked through the garden, the plants straightened just a bit more, the leaves danced, and the colors got a bit brighter. When her curiosity got the best of her, the little girl decided to investigate.

Creeping silently over to the garden – she was a little girl with very quiet feet – she began to feel happier and calmer at the same time. The air was fresher, much like the air here at camp. The sun was brighter yet not harsh. And the colors! It was like walking through a rainbow.

As she walked garden she noticed lilacs and roses and blueberries and raspberries and pears and daffodils and vines and… hm… those are briars. And, over there, she noticed some weeds. She had helped her mother pull a whole wagon load of those from around their house. And a clump of dandelions that her father really didn’t like. But these weeds had flowered and seemed to be living in harmony with the other plants.

While she was exploring a particularly full blueberry bush, the whole garden got quiet for just a moment. And then, to confirm what she had seen the days before, the old gardener walked in to his garden… and everything got taller and brighter and danced just a bit more.


Was he the reason for this change? As she hid inside the blueberry bush, the little girl watched the old man. He walked differently than most adults she knew. Rather than forging right ahead, swinging their arms and having a face set with purpose, he walked… thoughtfully and almost gingerly. He was barefoot and had a smile on his face and bent down to inspect or share a word with or clip a bit of each plant and flower and shrub and tree and weed he passed.

As he… well, almost glided up to the raspberry bush next to her hiding place, the old gardener said, “My, you raspberries look positively jealous of how full the blueberries are today.” And, with a smile on his face and twinkle in his eye, he looked right at the little girl.

She jumped back. She didn’t want to be in trouble. Rather than being mad, the old gardener sat right down in his spot, laughed, and beckoned her to come out. That’s when she noticed the baby raccoon he had in his lap. Where had that come from?

“It’s ok, dear, you can come out now. I called your mother when I saw you walk into the garden. We are old friends. She knows you are here and asked me to send you home when you are ready. Until then, would you like to share some blueberries with Forrest, here?”

At this, the little girl looked up and saw her mother on their home porch. Her mom waved and gave her the thumbs up. Everything was ok. And, though she couldn’t tell exactly, it seemed as though her mom was smiling and hugging herself.

Venturing out of her not-very-good hiding place, she sat down next to the old gardener. Even though his clothes were old and bare feet dirty from walking in the garden, he smelled fresh. And, though the sun was bright, he seemed brighter still. Forrest the raccoon jumped into her lap and began licking her fingers which were blue with blueberry juice.

“Why does the garden get brighter and taller when you come in?” she asked. She had always been very direct.

The old gardener laughed and said, “You know, it was a trick my wife taught me a long time ago. Back then, I was too busy to garden or notice or even say thank you. But not her. Marigold was kind to everyone, always made time for people, and cared for them. I didn’t know how to really explain how she made me and others feel until I read a note from a guy named Marcel Proust:

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

In order to honor her memory, I do my best to make everyone and everything around me happy.”

The little girl thought for a moment and then asked:

“You don’t walk like most old people I know. Why do you glide the way you do?”

“It was something my grandfather taught me once a long time ago. He was a native American who had learned it from his own grandfather. I’d forgotten what he’d taught me it until a few years ago. He used to tell me, ‘Grandson, we have too much in this world for which to be grateful. It is not enough that we say ‘thank you.’ We must walk as if our feet were kissing the ground.’ I’ve tried to do that more and more since I remembered his lesson.”

That sounded funny but made sense to the little girl. After playing with Forrest a bit, the little girl pointed at the flowering weed with briars on it. “You have such a beautiful garden. Why do you care for the weeds, too?”

“I do pick those weeds from time to time when they get a little too unruly,” he said. “Just the way I prune the rest of the garden. But there is a lot of beauty in weeds just as there is good in the hard things in our world. A very important person told me once that we must be grateful for the difficulties and challenges in our lives for they hold blessings. In fact, we can’t grow without them.”

“Who was that person?” The little girl asked.

The old gardener smiled, looked up, and said, “C’mon, I’ll introduce you.”

And with that, the old gardener stood up and helped the little girl to her feet, Forrest still snuggly in her hands.

As they walked out of the garden towards the house, the old gardener stopped at the post. There was a small book covered from the rain. He took out a pen and wrote something down and then offered it to the little girl.

“Every time I leave here, I write something for which I’m grateful. That means something that has made me happy. Do you want to write something down yourself?”

She looked down and read what he had written: I’m grateful to have finally met my great-granddaughter and for all the teachers and challenges that helped me become the man I am today.

The little girl looked up in surprise. This man was her great-grandfather?

“Honey, I’ve had to work for a long time to become a more kind and grateful person. This garden has helped me get through a lot pain and bad decisions. Thankfully, your mother, my grand-daughter, believed in me enough to move close. And now, I get to be close to you, too.

Now, would you like to write something in the grate-full book?”

Not knowing how to write very well, she simply wrote down ‘me, too’ with a smiley face and her name. Flipping to the front of the book, she noticed her mom’s name in very similar writing as her own.

“C’mon, kiddo,” said her great-grandfather. “Let’s go see your mother. I can’t wait to catch up with both of you.”