One of my favorite hobbies – when I’m not at camp, thinking about camp, or planning for camp – is playing golf. I used to be pretty good. Now that our boys are grown up and (mostly) out of the house, I finally have some time to get back into the game.

Campers, one day you’ll realize that your memory of how good you used to be at something is often way better than your actual, very rusty skills when you try it again.

For example—when I was 12, my gaga game was ELITE. You knuckleheads wouldn’t have stood a chance. Not even close. 😉

The problem? I still think I’m that good. But no matter how hard I try, I haven’t won a single game at Weequahic. Ever. Definitely no longer “elite.”

Same thing goes for my golf skills. So, I’m taking lessons again. And because I love learning, I’ve been reading books about the mental side of the game. This week, I came across something so good that I had to share it. And yes—it totally connects to camp.

Changing Your Mindset: A Camp Lesson

In Golf Beneath the Surface, Dr. Raymond Prior talks about how we handle stressful situations by managing our beliefs. He explains that our reactions come from three things working together:

Activating Events – Something is about to happen that gets our system ‘revved up.’ Beliefs – What you tell yourself about it. Consequences – What that belief leads to, specifically on your thoughts and emotions.

These are the ABCs of your mind. Now, let’s think about this in a camp setting:

A Camp Dilemma

You’re coming back for your second summer. Last year was awesome—but there was one kid in your bunk you just didn’t get along with. And now, every time you think about camp, that’s all you focus on. Instead of remembering the amazing stuff, your brain gets stuck on that one not-so-great thing.

(Which, by the way, is totally normal. Back in the caveman days, remembering bad experiences – like almost getting eaten by a saber-tooth tiger – kept us alive. But now? Not so useful when deciding if camp will be fun.)

So, just thinking about returning to camp gets you all revved up. That’s your activating event. Your belief? “I can’t have fun if that kid is there.” The consequence? You start dreading camp instead of looking forward to it.

Questioning Your Beliefs

But here’s the big question: Is that belief even true? Can you really not have any fun if that one kid is around?

Its probably not true. I mean, camp is FULL of awesome things—friends, counselors, crazy games, campfires, canteen, no school, no tech, cookies. And so much more. One person shouldn’t take away all of that! And, that kid might have some other things going on that you don’t know about. Remember – everyone is carrying things inside that you can’t see.

So, once you decide if your belief isn’t true… the next question is, should you keep it?

The Power of Choice

This is where you get to decide. You can hold on to that belief—but only if you’re okay with the consequences.

But think about this: If your video game controller was totally busted and you had the chance to switch to a better one… wouldn’t you? Or if you were playing soccer and the ball was flat… wouldn’t you swap it out?

Of course, you would.

And you can do the same thing with your beliefs. If you realize a belief is wrong or keeping you from something great, you have the power to change it.

So, what will you choose?

ABCs of Life

Of course, this isn’t just about camp – it’s about life. One of the coolest superpowers we have as humans is the ability to think about what we’re thinking. We can question whether something is really true or just a story we’re telling ourselves.

Camp Dog Maverick? He doesn’t have that power. If you drop a hot dog at the Saturday night cookout, he’s not stopping to question his choices. He just eats it – zero hesitation, no deep thoughts about the future… or how sick he’ll get after four or five of them!

But you? You get to decide what beliefs to hold onto. So next time you feel nervous about a test, a piano recital, or asking a friend to hang out, and your brain whispers, “This is going to go terribly…” – STOP. Question that belief. Then change it into something that actually helps you get closer to what you want.

A-B-C. Not always as simple as 1-2-3, but way more powerful.

Have an awesome weekend!

There is a great story that you may have heard. I’ll risk telling it again, just in case you haven’t.

A large, military ship is experiencing rough seas and heavy fog. They see a light in front of them as the barrel through the seas and storm. The captain gets on the radio and broadcasts, “Un-identified vessel, change course!”

The unidentified vessel replies, ‘No can do, sir. You need to change YOUR course.’

Taken aback and immediately upset, the captain of this multi-billion dollar vessel demands, “We are a military ship protecting these waters! We take precedence! Change your course!”

With voice that demonstrated the smile on his face, the response came through loud and clear:

“Well, Captain, this is the attendant of the lighthouse you are heading towards. I suggest you change your course instead.”

Culture and Values

Things change all the time. There are storms and heavy seas in our lives. We think we are in control of a lot but we really can only control how we respond to that which is thrown – fast or slow, gently or harshly – our way.

There are some things, though, that never change and that point the way in the good weather and the heavy storms. These are lighthouse values.

We humans have done pretty darn well considering our biggest natural asset is the brain inside our head. It’s a practice that actually has kept us going – our practice of banding together.

That is what culture is – the banding together and the norms and traditions and that bind our group. It starts with the small-sized culture of your family and moves to the medium-sized culture of your school (or camp!). You collect enough of those small and medium cultures, they grow into the larger-sized culture of your city, then your state and then the country.

At Weequahic, you know our values, the things which won’t change no matter what happens. GAC are our lighthouse values, that which directs us and keeps from crashing on the rocks. We’ll change activities, our old CITs will graduate into young staff members, different candies will be in Canteen, Bucket Brigades may be held in the rain….

Lots can and will change. But GAC? No way.

How About You?

So… what are your lighthouse values? What are the ideas and ideals that don’t change in your life, in your family? Perhaps that would be a good conversation to have around the dinner table (or campfire) sometime soon.

Have a great week!

PS – The lighthouse pictured above was commissioned by George Washington….

What are some of the things that bring you pleasure?

My list includes things like watching my boys laugh, cooking a good meal for family and friends, watching your kiddos play at camp, chocolate chip cookies, great pizza, sitting and watching Avengers movies, making a birdie on the golf course, walking camp dog Maverick in the woods with Kate… just to name a few.

And… there are a few problems on that list for me. Right in the middle of it. Can you guess which ones?

Pleasure and Pain

Yep – the cookies (lots of sugar), the pizza (it hurts my belly) and the movies (I’ve seen them sooo many times.) But I enjoy them. A lot. So… what gives?

If I indulge in the pleasure of those three things too much or too often, the end result is actually painful. I get heavier, my body feels terrible and I fill my head with mindless entertainment.

The diabolical thing is, my body continues to want more and more of each of them. Campers, you’ve seen me after Campfire at HQ scarfing those cookies down. Sooo good! (But not pretty….)

Each of those three things, in small doses, are fine. I can take a little discomfort. When I’m at camp, I certainly move enough to ward off the ill effects.

But if I keep going up the ‘pleasure’ elevator with those three enjoyments too much, I’ll wind up crashing into the basement of pain.

The Choice

You see, the ‘bill’ – what you pay for those pleasures – always comes due. Sooner than I want to admit, my body feels pretty crummy, my attention span gets shorter and I just feel like… blah.

An old French philosopher, Michel de Montaigne, once said

I conceive that pleasures are to be avoided if greater pains be the consequence, and pains to be coveted that will terminate in greater pleasures.

Ok, in English, here’s what that means in an example or two:

The process of stretching my body correctly and consistently is painful for me. But the feeling I get afterwards? Amazing.

Reading that book rather than watching Star Lord kick someone’s butt while cracking jokes? Not as much fun. But… (and yes, I’m a total nerd), learning something that I can share with you all or my family brings so much more pleasure than a couple of mindless hours in front of Disney+.

What are the pleasures that always lead to pain in your life? What about the short-term pains that lead to long time pleasure?

The Human Trick

The trick here, my friends, is two-fold:

• Awareness – you’ve got to be able to identify those actions and behaviors that lead to short-term and long-term pain or pleasure. Here’s a hint – it is very hard to find something that you are doing, saying or thinking that isn’t involved with seeking pleasure or avoiding pain.

• Choice – Now that you’ve identified all the things (the pleasure you pursue that leads to good or pain and the pain you avoid that leads to pleasure or not)… you get to choose what to pursue.

Your parents can help you answer questions, set an example and give guidance. (So can your camp director and all the team at Weequahic.)

But you are the one who gets to choose. It’s a gift that is given to us humans, perhaps one of our greatest gifts.

And, if you decide not to choose, well… that’s a choice, isn’t it?

Have a great weekend.