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Pleasure and Pain

What are some of the things that bring you pleasure?

My list includes things like watching my boys laugh, cooking a good meal for family and friends, watching your kiddos play at camp, chocolate chip cookies, great pizza, sitting and watching Avengers movies, making a birdie on the golf course, walking camp dog Maverick in the woods with Kate… just to name a few.

And… there are a few problems on that list for me. Right in the middle of it. Can you guess which ones?

Pleasure and Pain

Yep – the cookies (lots of sugar), the pizza (it hurts my belly) and the movies (I’ve seen them sooo many times.) But I enjoy them. A lot. So… what gives?

If I indulge in the pleasure of those three things too much or too often, the end result is actually painful. I get heavier, my body feels terrible and I fill my head with mindless entertainment.

The diabolical thing is, my body continues to want more and more of each of them. Campers, you’ve seen me after Campfire at HQ scarfing those cookies down. Sooo good! (But not pretty….)

Each of those three things, in small doses, are fine. I can take a little discomfort. When I’m at camp, I certainly move enough to ward off the ill effects.

But if I keep going up the ‘pleasure’ elevator with those three enjoyments too much, I’ll wind up crashing into the basement of pain.

The Choice

You see, the ‘bill’ – what you pay for those pleasures – always comes due. Sooner than I want to admit, my body feels pretty crummy, my attention span gets shorter and I just feel like… blah.

An old French philosopher, Michel de Montaigne, once said

I conceive that pleasures are to be avoided if greater pains be the consequence, and pains to be coveted that will terminate in greater pleasures.

Ok, in English, here’s what that means in an example or two:

The process of stretching my body correctly and consistently is painful for me. But the feeling I get afterwards? Amazing.

Reading that book rather than watching Star Lord kick someone’s butt while cracking jokes? Not as much fun. But… (and yes, I’m a total nerd), learning something that I can share with you all or my family brings so much more pleasure than a couple of mindless hours in front of Disney+.

What are the pleasures that always lead to pain in your life? What about the short-term pains that lead to long time pleasure?

The Human Trick

The trick here, my friends, is two-fold:

  • Awareness – you’ve got to be able to identify those actions and behaviors that lead to short-term and long-term pain or pleasure. Here’s a hint – it is very hard to find something that you are doing, saying or thinking that isn’t involved with seeking pleasure or avoiding pain.
  • Choice – Now that you’ve identified all the things (the pleasure you pursue that leads to good or pain and the pain you avoid that leads to pleasure or not)… you get to choose what to pursue.

Your parents can help you answer questions, set an example and give guidance. (So can your camp director and all the team at Weequahic.)

But you are the one who gets to choose. It’s a gift that is given to us humans, perhaps one of our greatest gifts.

And, if you decide not to choose, well… that’s a choice, isn’t it?

Have a great weekend.

The Keystone

Weequahic is a proud member of the Pennsylvania Camp Alliance. It’s a great group of camps from all over the state that work to better each other and work closely to educate and advocate for our chosen industry.

You may not know this but Pennsylvania’s motto is ‘The Keystone State.’ It’s an important idea, being a ‘keystone.’ If you don’t know what it means, a ‘keystone’ is a ‘central stone at the summit of an arch, locking the whole together.’

Without a strong and stable ‘keystone’, the arch falls. No more bridge, roof, or other important structure. Builders have to choose a strong stone and place it correctly so that everything holds together and lasts.

Choices

We talk a lot about ‘choices’ at Weequahic.

Yes, our campers get to choose their activities (and do them only with other kids in their same age group). Yes, our kiddos get to choose from between a ton of great food options in our Dining Hall thanks for Chefs Daniel and Isian and the team. Heck, our campers even get to choose if they want a top or bottom bunk before they get to camp.

But there is a whole set of choices that are made each and every day (moment to moment, really) that are so much more important: how you choose to act.

That’s an important idea that our campers are reminded of often at Weequahic. When something challenging happens, you can choose to act courageously or inappropriately or even ignore it completely. (That last one is a choice, too!)

But, without our parents there to watch over and help guide the choices, what happens? Well… we get a lot of learning. More than anything else, we learn about the keystone of all values:

Integrity

Warren Buffet, one of the greatest investors and business owners to ever live, looks for three things in people. Speaking to a graduate class at an Ivy League school, he answered ‘What qualities do you look for in people?’ question this way:

“Intelligence, energy, and integrity. And if they don’t have the last one, don’t even bother with the first two. I tell them, ‘Everyone here has the intelligence and energy—you wouldn’t be here otherwise. But the integrity is up to you. You weren’t born with it, you can’t learn it in school.”

How do you treat people when no one else is looking? How do you treat someone who can do nothing or very little to help you? Do you choose to honor your promises or not?

Bob Marley said,

“The greatness of a (person) is not in how much wealth they acquire, but in (their) integrity and (their) ability to affect those around him positively.”

Not Easy… and Important

Living a life of integrity is not easy… and it’s more fulfilling. The moments I feel the worst are when I know I’ve should have said something or done something but didn’t. I didn’t live with integrity.

Why? Most likely because I was afraid. I didn’t practice one of the cardinal virtues of Weequahic – courage – and, instead, led a smaller life in that moment.


But, we get to choose again and again and again. The more often we choose to live with integrity, the more of a habit it becomes.

Go out there and act with integrity. It’s a keystone habit and one that, while not always easy, is doubly important. Have a great weekend!

we are all neighbors

What is Your Chartres?

Earlier last year, I got to spend some time visiting camp families in Paris. We’ve been fortunate to have a long line of French campers and look forward to more. With each successive trip, I’ve taken some time to explore the area around Paris more. (The European rail system really is wonderful.)

This past year, I got to spend a day at Chartres Cathedral.

Most of you have probably heard of Notre Dame in Paris. It’s an incredible piece of gothic (and more) architecture and one of the most beautiful churches in the world. But, over and over again I’ve heard or read, ‘You have to see Chartres.’

So, all by myself, I hopped a train and made the 1.5 hour trek to Chartres on cold, Sunday morning in February. I’m so happy I did.

The cathedral is stunning. The spires on the front are a marvel. It looks like something out of the most incredible graphic novel you’ve ever seen – the detail, the size and scope… even the floor is designed beautifully with a traditional labyrinth. The only two human-built places I’ve been more stunning were Old Jerusalem and St. Peters in Rome.

The service was in French which I don’t speak. And, it was a Catholic service… which I’m not. But – wow – incredible.

Aim for Chartres

So… why the travel report on some gothic cathedral you may never see? Good question.

You see, I recently stumbled on a list of principles from a serial (and successful) entrepreneur. One was simply listed as ‘Aim for Chartres.’ Thankfully, there was a link to this interesting idea.
Turns out, this phrase was uttered by a pretty exceptional architect, builder and teacher in order to inspire his students. From Christopher Alexander:

“… I find that the single thing which inhibits young professionals, new students most severely, is their acceptance of standards that are too low…. That standard (Chartres) must be our standard. If you are going to be a builder, no other standard is worthwhile.”

Building Habits

Campers, what is your Chartres? You most likely don’t know yet.

That’s ok – took me a long time, too. BUT… this is important so lean in… focusing on whatever I was really interested in at the time helped me build habits that led to making Weequahic my ‘Chartres.’

Didn’t matter if it was my school work (ok – once I figured out I wouldn’t be a doctor), my golf or my extra-curricular groups like the IMPS at UVA.

Once I got seriously into that which I chose to do, I started building important habits that created more drive, attention to detail, big picture thinking, servant leadership, business understanding and more.

None of those things were, ultimately, my ‘Chartres.’ However, all that practice prepared me to lead and run Weequahic. (All of that also led me to the biggest prize in my life, Kate, and our three young men.)

What Is Your Chartres… Right Now?

Whatever you are working on, do your best. Make it a masterpiece to the best of your ability. Work a little extra on it, ask for help, compare it to something you’ve done before.

Please don’t misunderstand – whatever it is you are doing does not need to be perfect. I know Picasso and Renoir and Jobs and Freda would all want to make changes for a long time on their works. None of them are “perfect.”


Perfect is not the point. The point is what you learn along the way while working towards that vision in your head. It’s about exploring new boundaries within yourself and the world around you. I’ll leave you with this quote from Y Combinator founder, Paul Graham:

“With ambition, you tend to get one step below what you aim for. So, unless you try to be the best, you won’t even be good.” Go do your best. Every time. All the learning will be worth it.

Have a great week!