We humans are a curious lot. We are capable of working together to create incredible objects of beauty. Petra has withstood the test of time. Neuschwanstein Castle looks like something out of a fairy tale. The Golden Gate Bridge is breathtaking.
Even as ‘individuals’, though we very rarely do anything truly on our own, we can add great beauty into the world. Think of Mother Teresa, Aristotle, Van Gogh and Hokusai.
We are also capable of a lot of darkness. Pick up any history book and it’ll be happy to tell you about all the bad in the past.
But here is the thing: the history books rarely tell the story of the good nearly as much as they do the story of the bad.
Seeing Clearly
The other day, I read a quote I can’t get out of my head:
If you only see the bad, you aren’t seeing clearly.
Just like the history books, we humans want to focus on ‘the bad.’ The test you didn’t do well on. That joke that didn’t land. Those posts that didn’t get enough likes. Wrong notes on the scale, poor shots hit in front of a crowd….
This feeling is not a bug of our human system. It’s actually a feature and, throughout history, it’s been a darn good one. (How long do you think we’d have lasted if we kept trying to feed saber-tooth tigers berries from our hands?)
Remembering the bad can be very useful. I remember the time a snake leapt at me from a rock I flipped over one summer in Georgia as a kid. I’ve been very thoughtful turning over rocks since.
Seeing the Good Plus…
If we aren’t careful, though, we’ll let the bad dominate our vision and thinking. And, what we think consistently becomes the story of our lives.
Think ‘I can’t hit that note’ often enough or ‘I’ll never figure it out’ a bunch and… you probably won’t. Or, at the very least, you’ve made it a lot harder to do so.
We have to intentionally flood our thoughts with the good things. I’ve heard some researchers say the ‘recognize the good to recognizing the bad’ should be a 3 to 1 ratio.
Meaning? You need to think of the canteen you got that day + all the laughing you did at the waterfront + the crazy fun evening activity you just enjoyed to overcome the missing home feeling when you wrote your letter home.
It also helps to think of the emotion or feeling when you remember the good. In fact, you should really feel it. Your subconscious doesn’t know the difference between ‘real’ and ‘imagined’ emotions. So, if you are intentional, you can insert really good emotions within your imagination surrounding a successful attempt.
Real Life
I recently played in a golf tournament against a bunch of (old) pros. The 18th hole had water on both sides of the fairway and there was more trouble by the green. In the first round, I made an 8, a quadruple bogey. Not good. Really.
Now, I played the other 17 holes really well. If I went home and thought only about the worst hole I’ve played in competition since high school, I would have missed all the good things I’d done earlier that round.
I chose to do two things that evening. First, I spent time thinking through all the good things that happened that day. Secondly, I imagined playing the 18th perfectly. I even added in the emotion I’d feel for hitting the fairway, then hitting the green in regulation and then making the putt. I imagined (and felt it) 10 times the way I wanted.
All this took effort, intention. And, it made feel great about the day. How’d I play the 18th in the 2nd round? I barely missed the putt for a 3 and finished with a 4 – a 50% improvement!
Make the Effort
Friends, make the effort to see good. It’s easy to see and even fixate on the ‘bad.’ (Though, the ‘bad’ is just there to teach us what to do differently.) And, if you are having a hard time seeing the good, reach out to a loved one and be honest. I bet they can help. You can always call me, too!
It’s a little more than 100 days to start of camp. Can’t wait to get there and focus on the good while learning from the ‘constructive’ with all of you!
