Category: Campfire Conversation

Success and 3 Happies

I recently read something from Will Ahmed, CEO of Whoop, that I really liked:

“Success is being excited to go to work and being excited to come home.”

Normally, when we are successful, we are happy. I’m not talking about entertained (like we get from a video game or fun video online) or full (from a good meal or dessert).

I’m talking about the feeling you get when you know something  that went well is both right and good. That’s when I find I get really happy.

So, what does really mean? Aristotle may have said it best. From Darrin McMahon:

“Happiness… is an ‘activity of the soul that expresses virtue.’ For Aristotle, all things in the universe have a purpose, a function, an end. And that end, he says, is what gives expression to the highest nature and calling of the thing. In the famous example, the noble end of the acorn is to become a thriving oak, and in the same way the function of the harpist is to play the harp (and of the excellent harpist to play it well).”

When you feel happy, it’s fun, calming and wonderful… like getting under a warm, weighted blanket on a cold morning. It just feels right.

And, if you use one little action we talk a lot about at camp – being grateful for person/moment/thing which led to your happiness – you’ll deepen that connection, strengthen that memory, pump up that feeling of happiness.

The Happies Habit

How do you do that? Well… the 3 Happies at the end of the day is a great habit to develop. Here’s how it works:

Right before you go to bed, talk with someone you care about and ask them for the three things that made them happy that day. It could be anything – it was a beautiful day, the bus was on time, a friend made me laugh, I got all my work done without being rushed, etc.

Then, share your list with them. (You can trade off who asks first if you’d like.)

Finally, if you want a little ‘extra credit’, you can share one thing you are grateful for that the person in front of you did for you that day. You may not think it a big thing – it’s just one little thing, for goodness sakes. 

However, it’s a GREAT ‘little thing’ to think about and share. It makes the other person feel appreciated. And who doesn’t like to feel appreciated?! It could be that they emptied the dishwasher, cooked a nice meal, gave you a hug before you left for school. Lots of things would count!

Success

Going back to the quote that started this whole train of thought: I feel incredibly lucky that I’m excited to get to ‘work’ and excited to get home.

During the off-season, I get to travel to see new families interested in joining our community. I really enjoy meeting them and experiencing the excitement of a new adventure with them. I’m also excited to get home.

While at camp, I’m excited to see what each day will bring as I walk up to the Office to meet with the team early each morning. And, after a (very) full day of fun and community, I’m excited to get home and share my happies and appreciation with Kate… before I pass out for a short night of sleep.

This habit has helped us stay connected through all the craziness of raising three boys, building a community at Weequahic and everything in between. And, I’m convinced it’s helped us both enjoy the success of leading camp (and our lives) together. I hope it’ll help you, too. Have a great week!

The Keystone

Weequahic is a proud member of the Pennsylvania Camp Alliance. It’s a great group of camps from all over the state that work to better each other and work closely to educate and advocate for our chosen industry.

You may not know this but Pennsylvania’s motto is ‘The Keystone State.’ It’s an important idea, being a ‘keystone.’ If you don’t know what it means, a ‘keystone’ is a ‘central stone at the summit of an arch, locking the whole together.’

Without a strong and stable ‘keystone’, the arch falls. No more bridge, roof, or other important structure. Builders have to choose a strong stone and place it correctly so that everything holds together and lasts.

Choices

We talk a lot about ‘choices’ at Weequahic.

Yes, our campers get to choose their activities (and do them only with other kids in their same age group). Yes, our kiddos get to choose from between a ton of great food options in our Dining Hall thanks for Chefs Daniel and Isian and the team. Heck, our campers even get to choose if they want a top or bottom bunk before they get to camp.

But there is a whole set of choices that are made each and every day (moment to moment, really) that are so much more important: how you choose to act.

That’s an important idea that our campers are reminded of often at Weequahic. When something challenging happens, you can choose to act courageously or inappropriately or even ignore it completely. (That last one is a choice, too!)

But, without our parents there to watch over and help guide the choices, what happens? Well… we get a lot of learning. More than anything else, we learn about the keystone of all values:

Integrity

Warren Buffet, one of the greatest investors and business owners to ever live, looks for three things in people. Speaking to a graduate class at an Ivy League school, he answered ‘What qualities do you look for in people?’ question this way:

“Intelligence, energy, and integrity. And if they don’t have the last one, don’t even bother with the first two. I tell them, ‘Everyone here has the intelligence and energy—you wouldn’t be here otherwise. But the integrity is up to you. You weren’t born with it, you can’t learn it in school.”

How do you treat people when no one else is looking? How do you treat someone who can do nothing or very little to help you? Do you choose to honor your promises or not?

Bob Marley said,

“The greatness of a (person) is not in how much wealth they acquire, but in (their) integrity and (their) ability to affect those around him positively.”

Not Easy… and Important

Living a life of integrity is not easy… and it’s more fulfilling. The moments I feel the worst are when I know I’ve should have said something or done something but didn’t. I didn’t live with integrity.

Why? Most likely because I was afraid. I didn’t practice one of the cardinal virtues of Weequahic – courage – and, instead, led a smaller life in that moment.


But, we get to choose again and again and again. The more often we choose to live with integrity, the more of a habit it becomes.

Go out there and act with integrity. It’s a keystone habit and one that, while not always easy, is doubly important. Have a great weekend!

we are all neighbors

What is Your Chartres?

Earlier last year, I got to spend some time visiting camp families in Paris. We’ve been fortunate to have a long line of French campers and look forward to more. With each successive trip, I’ve taken some time to explore the area around Paris more. (The European rail system really is wonderful.)

This past year, I got to spend a day at Chartres Cathedral.

Most of you have probably heard of Notre Dame in Paris. It’s an incredible piece of gothic (and more) architecture and one of the most beautiful churches in the world. But, over and over again I’ve heard or read, ‘You have to see Chartres.’

So, all by myself, I hopped a train and made the 1.5 hour trek to Chartres on cold, Sunday morning in February. I’m so happy I did.

The cathedral is stunning. The spires on the front are a marvel. It looks like something out of the most incredible graphic novel you’ve ever seen – the detail, the size and scope… even the floor is designed beautifully with a traditional labyrinth. The only two human-built places I’ve been more stunning were Old Jerusalem and St. Peters in Rome.

The service was in French which I don’t speak. And, it was a Catholic service… which I’m not. But – wow – incredible.

Aim for Chartres

So… why the travel report on some gothic cathedral you may never see? Good question.

You see, I recently stumbled on a list of principles from a serial (and successful) entrepreneur. One was simply listed as ‘Aim for Chartres.’ Thankfully, there was a link to this interesting idea.
Turns out, this phrase was uttered by a pretty exceptional architect, builder and teacher in order to inspire his students. From Christopher Alexander:

“… I find that the single thing which inhibits young professionals, new students most severely, is their acceptance of standards that are too low…. That standard (Chartres) must be our standard. If you are going to be a builder, no other standard is worthwhile.”

Building Habits

Campers, what is your Chartres? You most likely don’t know yet.

That’s ok – took me a long time, too. BUT… this is important so lean in… focusing on whatever I was really interested in at the time helped me build habits that led to making Weequahic my ‘Chartres.’

Didn’t matter if it was my school work (ok – once I figured out I wouldn’t be a doctor), my golf or my extra-curricular groups like the IMPS at UVA.

Once I got seriously into that which I chose to do, I started building important habits that created more drive, attention to detail, big picture thinking, servant leadership, business understanding and more.

None of those things were, ultimately, my ‘Chartres.’ However, all that practice prepared me to lead and run Weequahic. (All of that also led me to the biggest prize in my life, Kate, and our three young men.)

What Is Your Chartres… Right Now?

Whatever you are working on, do your best. Make it a masterpiece to the best of your ability. Work a little extra on it, ask for help, compare it to something you’ve done before.

Please don’t misunderstand – whatever it is you are doing does not need to be perfect. I know Picasso and Renoir and Jobs and Freda would all want to make changes for a long time on their works. None of them are “perfect.”


Perfect is not the point. The point is what you learn along the way while working towards that vision in your head. It’s about exploring new boundaries within yourself and the world around you. I’ll leave you with this quote from Y Combinator founder, Paul Graham:

“With ambition, you tend to get one step below what you aim for. So, unless you try to be the best, you won’t even be good.” Go do your best. Every time. All the learning will be worth it.

Have a great week!