My week was completely brightened by an ‘out of the blue’ note and a small gift. The little person who sent it is not one of my own (though I’d happily treat her such.) She saw a small book in a store, thought of me, and sent it along with a card.

It couldn’t have come at a better time. The college process for the oldest Kelly kid is in full-swing. The news headlines are… challenging. Covid is still raging about our society. There is a lot of division everywhere.

And then this little package arrives and brings sunlight into my whole week.

William Ward once said ‘feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.’ Well, this young one sent the present and it made a big impact on me.

A Reminder

By her action, my young friend did two things. First, she surprised and delighted me. Seeing the book on my desk and reading through has brought a smile to my face daily. Someone was thinking of me.

Secondly, she reminded me that the expression of gratitude is more important than the silent feeling of it. The latter is a compliment to yourself, really. The other person or thing* for which you are grateful doesn’t know it.

The former is something of community and connection. That is what betters our whole world. And, yes, it’s exactly what we need.

This Weekend

Write a ‘thank you’ note and send it. Reach out to friend or loved one with whom you’ve not connected lately and catch up. Do something ‘out of the blue’ for someone.

It doesn’t have to be a gift or a card. But make the effort. The expression of your gratitude will bring joy to you both. They are worth it… and so are you. Have a great weekend!

*By the way, if you don’t think you can express gratitude to a ‘thing’, Hideki Matsuyama’s caddy, Shota Hayafuji, did just that at the completion of last year’s Masters.

We humans can do amazing things together. Think of all the beauty we’ve created in the world. From wall paintings to skyscrapers, we’ve come together to leave awe-inspiring marks on our home.

We’ve also seen people come together to help. Those that rush in when waters rise or the wind blows represent an unforgettable reminder that we can do so much for so many of our brothers and sisters. And we don’t even have to really know them to help.

And, we can be pretty cruel, too.

Throwing Stones

I recently re-read an old story about people wanting to stone someone who expressed something other than what the ‘learned’ believed, what was ‘accepted’ at the time. Now, this was a long time ago when ‘stoning’ was a thing. Thankfully, it’s practice has reduced dramatically but intergroup strife is still just as prevalent.

There have been lots of examples of the cruelty of groups towards individuals and smaller groups in the past. Some of these attacks were because of something that could not be controlled like skin color or the family into which they were born. Other persecutions were caused by a person’s choice, like the religion they followed or customs they observed. Still others are based on opinions or beliefs.

We no longer ‘throw stones’ to demonstrate our displeasure. Instead, we slander or mock or shout down. In many cases, we gather a group of like-minded friends and ignore or cancel the ‘offending’ person. (‘Cancelling’ or casting out is not a new phenomenon. It’s just more public now. The whole world can see it happen rather than just a small group.)

Maybe they don’t wear the right clothes or believe the same things are cool or are a part of a family that has decided to follow a different religious tradition… or none at all. These experiences are as old as the stones we once threw.

Careful What You Wish For

When we start to ‘throw stones’, we’ve shut ourselves off from both curiosity and humility. Rather than screaming ‘what are you saying?!’, perhaps we’d be better off asking ‘what if?’

The Wright Brothers were mocked relentlessly… until they changed the world by flying their plane. Dr. King was ridiculed, discriminated and imprisoned… until his message became a movement that forced the most powerful country in the world to change its laws. Ann Frank was hunted and hidden… until her words positively influenced millions.

If you find yourself checking for good rocks and warming up your shoulder, you may want to take a minute to think: If the situation were reversed and I was to on the receiving end of this, would I like to be stoned or yelled at or ‘cancelled?’ Would I think that fair?

Most likely, you wouldn’t. Because, in almost all situations, it’s not fair and it’s not right. People can have different opinions or thoughts or beliefs. If it weren’t for disagreements, we humans wouldn’t have learned so much. It’s through open (and even semi-open) back and forth that we are able to learn and change and grow.

Courage to (Really) Listen

Weequahic, it takes courage to listen and ponder something with which you don’t agree, to ask questions with the intent to understand, to ‘reach across the aisle.’ This process takes (a lot) longer than reacting to a text or a headline. But the work is worth it.

You may learn something. Even if you only learn that the human on the ‘other side’ has thought deeply about their position and simply made a different choice, that could be enough. You don’t have to hang out with them or even like them, but I hope you’ll respect their right to choose and have their own opinion.

That takes courage… both ways. And, even though we may have differences, we are a whole lot more alike than we are different. Have a great weekend.

This weekend, we celebrate the life and work of Dr. Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. If you are reading this, you most likely weren’t alive when Dr. King studied and wrote and talked and walked. But, because of what he did with his time on Earth, our country and our world are a better place.

Dr. King was beaten, maligned, and marginalized. He came from poverty. He dealt with different water fountains, back seats on the bus, and discrimination at the lunch counter. Through all of this:

“I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.”

That’s a challenging, difficult thing. You’ve spent so much of your life being told you are less by word and deed. And, not just you but your family and friends around you as well. It would be so easy to fill your heart with hate. But, from all his study and all his education, this is what he came to believe:

“We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.”

“Hate is just as injurious to the hater as it is to the hated. Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Many of our inner conflicts are rooted in hate. This is why psychiatrists say, “Love or perish.”

We are living in a time people seem pretty divided. If you read the headlines, they are full of division. Neither side of the argument is rarely right. The answer is normally somewhere in the middle. But yet these headlines instill contempt or hatred for the other.

As Dr. King says above, hate is not a good answer. We truly are all in this together.

At that time in our nation’s history, there were awful, intentional injustices pointed at humans with more melanin than others. That was the accepted principle of the time. Dr. King and many others took a different path.

Thank You

His promotion of love, of equality, of nonviolence were not popular at the time. Thank goodness he listened to his conscience and took a stand for that which was right. It continues to be right today. May we all have the courage to follow in his words and example.

Thank you, Dr. King.