Tag: gratitude

Chores at Camp

At camp, it’s a camper’s right to have a ton of fun. Yes, they’ll learn some good things, too. But we find some of the best learning comes when you are having a blast. No phone-induced comparison traps. No worry about judgement from the larger world. Just be yourself and have a blast!

And, with that ‘right of fun’, comes some responsibilities.

Responsibilities at Camp

Just like us adults, campers have responsibilities, too. They are certainly more simple than the tax code, though: no swimming without a lifeguard, boys and girls stay out of the opposite gender’s bunk, follow the ‘banned items’ rule, do your chores and be kind to others.

The first three are pretty easy to delineate. These are ‘if/then’ statements. You either left your cell phone at home or you brought it to camp. Easy decision.

Those last two responsibilities – chores and kindness – those are a little harder to enforce. But camp, just like society at large, does better when all the participants practice what an old English judge called ‘obedience to the unenforceable.’

Chores

The following is by no means and exhaustive list of chores performed at camp but it’s certainly a good start:

  • Make your bed every morning. 
  • Put away your dirty clothes.
  • Clear your plate and cutlery and trash in the Dining Hall at every meal… and help clean the table
  • Brushing teeth, washing hair (with actual shampoo!)
  • Assist with other bunk chores like sweeping or being the clean-up DJ or taking out the (small) trash bin or checking the drying lines, etc.

Why do all this? For a number of reasons. But the main reason is explained beautifully by Michael Korda:

Chores don’t steal childhood. They teach life. They teach gratitude… It’s about love disguised as responsibility. In the final analysis, the one quality that all successful people have is the ability to take on responsibility.

Done right, chores build community. They make our place tidy and clean and more enjoyable. They help keep us physically safe and emotionally calm. We become more prepared for a brighter future. Let’s move to the last of the ‘unenforceables.’

Be Kind

It’s a choice – a set of demonstrable behaviors performed towards others… and yourself! Sometimes, being kind is helping someone up. Other times, being kind is passing along a challenging truth.

Now, we can’t make someone be kind. Each of us has to choose how we act towards one another and ourselves. We can set up consequences for certain actions – being mean, bullying, etc., sure. However, we cannot reach into a person’s mind and heart and drive them around like a tank.

What we can do isshow a whole bunch of great examples of kindness and patience (our staff and older campers) and inspire to live and act more kind. We can also have our counselors ‘nominate’ campers they saw doing kind and good things at camp at the Flag each night – a long tradition at Weequahic.

The power of examples is an amazing thing.

Do Your Chores and Be Kind

Can you have a ton of fun at camp without these two responsibilities being achieved with a level of consistency and effort? Sure can! (It just won’t be at Weequahic.)

Like many things in life that provide outsized benefits – eat your fruits and veggies, move your body, be grateful – these are simple ideas. That doesn’t mean they are always easy. But, like anything else, the more we practice….

Have a great week. Can’t wait to get everyone to camp soon!

Lessons from Claire

Parents, the words below are my lessons from a camper who has recently passed. I wrote it in a way that I hope will be helpful and thoughtful of our camp family. Please review it before deciding to share with your child. This one may be more for me than anyone else.

Kate and I ‘received the torch’ from the Seffer and Lustig families in 2009. They had built Weequahic from the ground up starting in 1953.

We dug in and started building on the wonderful foundation and traditions (Tribals, Olympics and more) the Seffer and Lustig families created while instituting some of our own (Campfire by Sly Lake, GAC, Swim the Lake and more.)

No matter what, though, no matter who is running camp or how long the sessions or what names of the color war teams are – it’s all about the kids and staff.

The people are what make camp – then, now and forever.

Claire

I first met Claire in her home outside of Philadelphia. Then, as now, we met with every family prior to camp. I remember her being quiet and interested with a twinkle in her eye.

When she told me soccer was one of her favorites, she leaned in and her face got serious and excited. I could tell this young lady was a competitor. Creating a life with Director Kate and spending so much time with Associate Director Sue, I know the type well.

Claire started with three weeks – the Tribal session. After two summers, she was one of the first to switch to ‘Olympic’ session. A few of her friends had moved to Super Six and she had another commitment early in the summer.

This was the first of the lessons from Claire – the courage to be flexible. We had always hoped a camper would change things around in order to make both their busy summer lives and camp work… but we didn’t think it would happen. And for a 14-year-old girl to do it?

Claire knew what she wanted and she just did it.

Saying No

The second lesson happened either that or the next summer. I’m hazy on the timing but not on the lesson.

True to form, this young lady was a fierce competitor at Weequahic. Always first to join a team, compete with other camps or within Weequahic. She wanted to move, to exert herself all the time.

Prior to arriving back at camp late in her time with us, her mother called to talk about her concussions. Claire had dealt with a lot of them. Her mother was (rightfully) concerned and wanted to know how they’d affect her at camp, especially with her athletics.

Now, we were always scratching and clawing to grow camp. At the time, I was definitely a ‘yes’ person, at least to the parents and the kids.

I didn’t want to say ‘no’ to anyone and I didn’t want to upset anyone at any time. So, we accepted her back within some strict guidelines. Claire was on board… kind of.

That summer, I had to say ‘no’ to a lot of her questions. When she came up teary to me, pleading to play and compete, I had to say ‘no’ for her safety. When she enlisted her counselors – who loved the girl – I had to say the same thing.

It’s hard to see anyone who wants to compete and play so badly and tell them ‘no.’ Especially when you want them back as a CIT. But ‘no’ it was, and it was the correct call.

Sometimes (a lot of times, actually) ‘no’ is hard… and correct.

Friendships Across the Bunks

I’ll be honest – I was pretty old-school when we started at Weequahic. When girls used to tell me some of their best friends are boys or guys tell me, ‘We are just friends’, I didn’t really believe them. I’ve read enough about evolutionary biology to be dangerous… and a little cynical of those answers.

Claire taught me differently, especially with her friendship with Budow. They were tight. They were buddies. They loved each other in a way that true friends do, with trust, care and vulnerability.

Their special friendship opened my eyes to see so many others of these friendships at camp between our campers. Funnily enough, when I asked a CIT last summer about what camp had taught them, she answered ‘Guys and girls can really be just friends. I love that about this place.

Me, too. We humans need connection and care. Claire and Budow represented the best of this.

Final Lesson

When Claire graduated as a CIT, cried her last tears in the Rec Hall and departed camp, I lost touch with her. A wonderful camper, someone who stood out amongst the pack, and… well, I turned my focus to the campers in front of me rather than those in my past.

This was and is a mistake. And one I intend to rectify.

Had we stayed in touch, I would have known about her matriculation to a great university. I would have known about her work within healthcare, her continued connection with Budow, how her faith and connection to Judaism continued to flourish. That she had been sick and that the complications were growing.

Time is doing what it does… moving forward. We will all have hard moments like these in a well-lived life. Sad? At times, of course. And full of beauty and laughter, lessons and love. If we only see the bad or challenging, we aren’t really looking.

We are going to miss Claire. She was a bright light in the world and one who taught me many things. Thank you, Claire. We are better for having known you.

New Frames for the Green-Eyed Monster

Kiddos, I promise this not a history or English lesson. Instead, it’s an old idea that is just as useful – perhaps even more so – today. So… a bit of an opener:

A New York City-based researcher and teacher on emotions recently gave a talk to a high school of 1500 students. He did a bit of research with them prior to his talk. He asked them all to let him know (anonymously) which emotions they most often felt at school.

Now, when I think about what y’all will be feeling most, I would have bet money the answer would be ‘anxiety.’ That’s been the main source of anxiety for the parents with whom I speak about you during the year.

Well… we ‘adults’ would be wrong. The emotion most felt by these 1500 high schoolers?

Envy.

That means looking at someone else and wishing you had what (you think*) they have. A better grade point average or hair or social media following or calmness or whatever. Surprising but true. But it’s holding young people back from being their best.

How do you get past it? Two ways. Here’s the first:

Reframing

Some of you wear glasses or contacts all the time. I wear two different sets of frames often. My sunglasses help me when I drive to see new campers. The other lenses I use are to help me read (and type this!) As I get older, this part of my vision continues to get worse. It’s not terrible… but I definitely need these ‘reader frames’ to help.

I also wear another set of frames from time to time that no one sees: the green-eyed envy frames.

Shakespeare wrote a line in Othello talking about envy:

O, beware, my lord, of envy; ‘tis a green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat upon which it feeds.

I read that a long time ago and it always stuck with me. When I look at someone with a repeatable, effortless golf swing, I’m envious. Someone who can handle the intricacies of the tax code, I’m envious. My sister-in-law who seems to be able to eat whatever holiday treat she likes without worry… I’m envious.

But – that emotion doesn’t help me. Unless… unless I reframe the situation.

Rather than looking at Nelly’s golf swing with envy, I can reframe it to be ‘what can I learn from her move to apply to my own?’ Same thing with understanding the tax code or recognize how much my sister-in-law exercises and drinks so much water, etc.

If you reframe the feeling as an opportunity to learn from or imitate something admirable, you’ll begin to use that envy for good. There is a second way to get past the negative effects of envy:

Gratitude

Full disclosure: when I heard the researcher say this second answer to getting past envy, I yelled out ‘YES!’ in my car. (Thankfully, I was alone!)

My friends, when you feel envy and then think about all the good in your life – your great school, teacher, friends, family, home, opportunities for activities, CAMP and more… it begins to swamp those envious feelings. It turns your eyes from the envious shade of green to whatever natural color they are. (There are different shades of green, you know….)

But, is that enough? Just thinking about a couple of good things every now and then?

Well… that helps but only in the way an Advil takes away the discomfort in my lower back: just for a little while. Until I start stretching more, that pain is going to be there.

But, if you practice your gratitude daily – telling a loved one each night your top three, for example – you start to focus more on that which brings you joy and peace and calm.

You’ll notice that you’ll be less focused on that which you don’t have (and think that other person does*) and more on all the good in your life.

My friend, beware the green-eyed monster of envy. If you let it, it’ll eat you up. Instead, reframe and get better. And… be grateful. Every day.

*That friend or acquaintance you think is killing it? Careful here: you are comparing ALL of the information you have about yourself with the little you think you know about your friends. In other words, you are comparing your inside with everyone else’s outside.

More than likely, they are struggling with something else. We all are. It’s a natural condition of us humans. Be kind to yourself… and those around you. You’ve got no idea of what is going on in their heads or hearts.

PS – Happy New Year!